About Me

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From Her Own World, Far Away
I am a unique individual stuck in a world filled with mostly followers. I like to stand out of the crowd! I hate being critizied or stared at. I am one of the most self concious pesimistic people you will ever met. I express myself through painting, drawing and writing. I just want to find a place where I fit in and don't have to hide or keep to myself. I am waiting to be set free...

November 02, 2009

Dear Ola:

I'm sitting up against my bedroom door and I can't stop my tears from falling. The picture of me and you when we were little lays beside me. Your old blue sweater that your father gave to me is in my grasp covered in my tears and smudge make up. I know it's almost been a year since you've passed away now. It's starting to hit me hard today. I really don't know what to do I'm so overwhelmed right now, I just wish you were still here. I would give anything to have you back here, get to know you for who you were as you grew up. All I remember is when we were little. God, how much I wish I could talk to you. I just keep wondering if you still were as excited as I was to see you after all those years, if you would have liked me. From what I heard about you from your friends and family you sounded like you grew up to be quite the girl.

Do you see how much I miss you? Do you miss me? It's just I feel so guilty. I wish I would have kept in touch. I wish I could have seen you, to say good-bye at least. It kills me how the weekend after you died your father and you planned to come down and visit. He told me that you were going to move down to Bowmanville to get away from the bad situation you were in. I wish it hadn't been too late. You didn't deserve to die painfully, you never deserved to be murdered. I just really hope some way you can read all that I'm writing. I remember all the adventures we had when we were little. Going frog hunting, golf carting, swimming, fishing, the list goes on and on. You were my best friend when I was little, I know that and you'll always stay in my memories. I want to know that I shouldn't feel this way, that I shouldn't still hate myself for not knowing you before you died. Do you forgive me?

You should be happy. You brought your mother and father back together. I'm terribly worried though because they don't know how to grieve the loss of you. All they do is get high off of whatever they can get their hands on or so I'm told. I want to talk to them, straighten them out for you. I want to do something for you. To hear about your mother and father basically throwing their lives away, it kills me. I know you wouldn't want them to do that to themselves, you would want them to be happy. No ones been able to reach any of them. But don't worry I won't stop trying. I will fix them, I will make them realize it's not what you would have wanted.

I love you forever and always.

-Tasha Lucyk

P.S. If you are watching over me please don't ever let me go, I need you.