About Me

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From Her Own World, Far Away
I am a unique individual stuck in a world filled with mostly followers. I like to stand out of the crowd! I hate being critizied or stared at. I am one of the most self concious pesimistic people you will ever met. I express myself through painting, drawing and writing. I just want to find a place where I fit in and don't have to hide or keep to myself. I am waiting to be set free...

July 27, 2009

Never want to see your face

Now don't you dare turn around.
Watch out, you may have to drown.
Now don't you dare make a sound.
Watch out, you may hit the ground.


I never want to see your face again.
Determined to break these chains.
I never want to hear your voice.
Determined I've made my choice.
I never want to see your name.

Determined I've set it all in flame.


I'll cut all the ties leading back to you.
I won't care if it leaves me black and blue.
Detach all the heart strings from you.
My life I will gracefully start anew.


Seeing you only does me wrong.
I've now deleted all of our songs.
In my life you just don't belong.
I should have known all along.

My heart should have known.
Your heart has turned to stone.
You seem to ache my every bone.
You make my mind cry out a moan.

When I see you face,
it fills me with disgrace.
That picture I'll erase.
Never want to see your face.

July 21, 2009

"Now I remembered that the real world was wide..."

You can't see who I am.
Like a distressed lamb.
Let me tell you I'm not a sham.
I'm not the one who's condemned.
You don't know who I have become.
My words are draining out numb.

Telling me to show myself.
Well show me yourself.
You're stuck in the dark.
Silence all your remarks.

You suddenly can't see me.
With your thoughts I agree.
You're sorry you even tried.
Sorry I ever had to hide.
I have lost my pride.
Ever since his divide.


Just pop another pill baby.
Left with nothing but a maybe.
Just have another drink honey.
Let's pray tomorrow is sunny.
Just cut another line girl.

Let all your thoughts swirl.

Just fall fast asleep.
Go ahead and weep.
Don't bother to wake up.
Down goes a vodka filled cup


Say good-bye now.
Speak your last vow.


Who have I become?

July 19, 2009

Addiction to the Truth

I am sitting here not knowing what to do or how to think.
Confrontation still lingers inside my thoughts, creasing through my firey veins. The words I bottled up inside myself for so long have been released. A painful unexpected relief. The truth finally exposed but of what cost? A cost to where my mind still wonders and becomes more curious of these so called truths. Questions they build upson the spoken truth. What to do, what to say?


He comes to visit from BC, stirring up memories long forgotten. Clawing at feelings I longed put out. He comes to her all happy and alive. She now is certained to move away with him. My mothers ex is now her boy friend yet again, the one that had caused me less of a mother. He is back and bond to take her with him. Who knows, maybe he can fix the mess of a lady she is; maybe he has the patience. For he is the man she always falls back upon. But he doesn't derserve to be wrecked just as the others. None of them deserved to be torn apart as she had. Can a women who seems as cold and heartless as a statue gain a heart?

I have been spending quite an amount of time with him. I finally worked up the courage to ask him a question that lingered from years ago. I asked him about cocacaine and affairs. He felt I was old enough to know the truth for he came clean in an instant. He claims he wasn't the man that got her hooked on cocaine all those years back. Well who could he be?

Left with feeling numb.

July 11, 2009

Grade 5

We met by chance on a basketball court in grade five.The one day our friends were both absent from school. A coincidence at the least. It was gym and our objective was to try different types of passes back and forth to our partner. Standing across from each other looking around for someone who wasn't partnered already, our teacher with authority in his voice made us partners. The first time we actually saw each other, even though we were in the same classroom all along. Awkward passing back the ball until we broke the silence and decided to get to know one another...

Sing To Me Boy


With you I'm feeling freezing.
A temperature that's not pleasing.
With you I'm feeling a burning.
A temperature I was not yearning.
With us it's never perfect.

But boy it could be worth it.
Help me commit.
I'll help you quit.
You know I'm so damn undecided.
I need now to just be guided.
Without you I'm plain misguided.
Our differences subsided.
Today we can't be divided.
With realization we've collided.
I'm struck with confusion.
Hoping we aren't just an illusion.
Hoping love isn't just a delusion.
Hoping our story finds a conclusion.
Can we find that deep fusion?

On you I'm always leaving.
On the past I kept on grieving.
Your calls I wasn't recieving.
Love for me I wasn't believing.

All this time I looked passed you.
Hadn't believed my feelings were true.
You loved me more than any one.
Away from you I continued to run.
You told me all I wanted to hear.
To you I was never quite sincere.

After one single word being sung.
After a breath from your lung.
After one breath taking song.
I found where I finally belong.
All I've been fighting was wrong.
Holding back for far too long.
I've fallen for you.
I'm loving the view.


He's on my mind yet again. Not the first nor the last time.
I've known him since grade five. Seems like I will always have some sort of feelings for him. One minute I think I love him, one minute I don't know what to think anymore and the next I hate him. He could never be serious. I think that's why it always ended. Except now I actually think he's grown up. He still loves me as he always has but he is engaged. Engaged at sixteen. All because he had a few too many drinks and asked a question he cannot get away from. I know he would leave her in a second for me but do I want that?
What do I want?
I can't tell how long I will feel this for him. For some reason when it comes to him my heart doesn't know what to do. I'm up then I'm down. He is the only boy who has given me the commitment I ask for, but could we hold onto it? He has always been there for me. I don't know if he would get back into trouble with the cops, you just never know with him. I don't know if he would fall in love with someone else and leave me or still love her. I just want to be loved by someone and fall in love with them.
I want to love you.
He has such a beautiful voice; such a beautiful sound. I just want him to sing me to sleep, to play for me. I want to hear what he thinks about. I want to hear what inspires him. I want to hear his sounds. I want to feel his touch. I want to feel his lips pressed up against mine.
Sing to me boy

July 10, 2009

Myself Today

So apparently I was tagged by my friend Rachael (Serva me, Sevabote te) meaning I have to write 10 honest things about myself today.

1. I have an awful habit of biting my finger nails. I can't stop until they are perfect which doesn't make any sense because I bite them so short that they hurt to do anything with.

2. I am really afraid of meeting new people because meeting new people means being judged all over again.

3. I am highly afraid of growing up. I am afraid I won't suceed, that I will choose the wrong career to pursue and that I will loose my friends.

4. I am completly and utterly lost in life.

5. I tend to think about everthing way to much.

6. I have more than one deep dark secret, I have many.

7. I think I will always love the old him.

8. I think I have cried myself out. I know crying is healthy once in awhile and when I can't handle it anymore I try to cry but no tears come out.

9. I always seem to open up way to easily to people who have a single interest in me.

10. I just want to be loved.

July 09, 2009

Set Me Free


I cannot find where I belong.
A constant cry for too long.
Heart beat is no longer strong.
Falling into place all too wrong.

I need someone to see through me.
I need someone to set me free.
Let's travel across the open sea.
Maybe there, myself I could be.
Let us jump aboard an on going train.
I need to break from this ball and chain.
Let us sneak aboard a high flying plane.
I need to find what I'm looking to obtain.
Let's dance all night in the rain.
Together happiness we could gain.

Why don't we escape this town?
Standing here watching as I drown.
This town is just holding me down.
I need to be able to move around.
I'll slip on my favourtie golden gown.
On your head you can place a crown.
Let's escape this town.
Let's escape this town.

See that light in my closed eyes.
See that view in my darkened skies.
See through my elaborate disguise.
See through my defensive lies.
See my intentions as I rise.
See my love in those thighs.

In this single cage I am stuck.
Feeling as if I'm out of luck

Why don't you set me free?
Set me free.